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El idiota de la semana: Hollywoke

The Idiot of the Week: Hollywoke

El American’s Idiot of the Week Award goes to Hollywoke

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El American’s Idiot of the Week award goes to the film entertainment industry, formerly known as Hollywood or “the dream factory,” but which might as well be called Hollywoke’s progressive propaganda factory.

This week saw the Oscar Awards gala and, to no one’s surprise, it once again turned into a coven of progressive billionaires launching political diatribes.

Once a year, actors, directors, screenwriters, producers, and other beings gather to give each other awards and humbly acknowledge how wonderful they are for accepting them.

These groups of people chosen by the muses do not just thank the Oscars, they congratulate each other and later go home to enjoy their fortunes. Also, they graciously make the great sacrifice of fulfilling the moral duty of explaining to us, common mortals, how we should live, how we should think, and, above all, how we should vote well, following their virtuous example. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.

Hollywoke stars and their political sermons.

For the rest of the year, these celebrities go through great suffering, so they can knowledgeably tell us what we are doing wrong. Many spend the year mired in alcoholism and drugs or struggling with eating disorders. But because they have conscientiously inspected the most prestigious and elite rehab clinics, they are qualified to lecture us for eating meat, since in doing so we are apparently melting the polar ice caps.

Others unload the stress generated by the huge burden of being the beacon of enlightenment in all kinds of lubricious activities. They change partners assiduously, marry and divorce at a dizzying pace, jump between the more than 72 genders and sexual orientations available, and the less daring or more conservative are dedicated to adopting children of all possible races, like someone who collects pokemon.

If it weren’t for their sacrificial research work, many of us might think that forming a traditional, stable family between cisgender members might be a nice thing to do. Luckily this is not the case, and they opened our eyes and the doors of perception to a whole universe of possibilities and combinations.

Another thing we do wrong is not being body-positive and giving too much importance to physical appearance, which forces them to have so many cosmetic surgeries that leave the muscles of their faces without expressiveness. If only we were less superficial and not so judgmental!

Dressed in the finest clothes of haute couture designers and adorned with priceless jewelry, the actresses advise us on the evils of hetero-patriarchal capitalism. Our wellbeing depends on not owning anything, not falling into the clutches of greed, and assuming that money does not bring happiness. They know this well because they dry their tears with $100 bills, and they are still very unhappy.

Hollywoke
Fat Max Gsus and Savan Kotecha pose like two holy anchorites at the arrival of the Oscar gala telecast in Sweden. (EFE)

So the pay gap of actresses who are paid a couple of million less than actors urgently needs to be addressed. If there is something more serious and urgent to solve than the oppression of women in Hollywoke, it is structural racism. In fact, being an African-American actress at Hollywoke is one of the most arduous and painful experiences conceivable. Probably the only African-American actress who has done well in Hollywood is Charlize Theron. White privilege stuff.

Bottom line, the conclusion that Hollywoke stars draw during the Oscar conclave is that if everything is going so dreadfully wrong for Hollywood progressives, they can’t bear to imagine — thanks to their empathetic, bleeding hearts — how horrible existence must be for the rest of us. If only we would listen to them a little more and pay more attention to their advice.

But no, the audience insists on not listening to them and turning their backs on their wise life advice. With the enormous intellectual and artistic effort they make, and we insist on expecting the Oscar gala to be simply a spectacle and entertainment, how dare we turn our backs on their political sermons!

Even if they put in their showcases the Idiot of the Week award from EL American, they will only see the Oscar statuette, the one that confirms that they are enlightened beings, knowing the solution to all the world’s problems and the chosen ones to point out to the rest of mortals the right way of how society should be organized. If we don’t listen to what Hollywoke says, we are the idiots.

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