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The Idiot Of The Week: The CIA

CIA, El American

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The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has issued a series of recruitment ads that seem more like a parody. By signing up for the woke culture trend, the CIA wins this week’s Idiot of the Week award.

Remember those satirical ads that appeared in Mel Brooks movies? His comedies featured commercials in the background that poked fun at the advertising world.

That’s what the CIA’s new recruitment ad campaign resembles. In a series of ads under the title Humans of CIA, some members of the agency narrate their experience working for the government. Maybe they talk about excitement, combat, espionage, adventure, saving the world? No, according to them, at the CIA what you will find is a “safe, diverse and inclusive work environment” where you can develop your dreams.

Rather than the CIA – which is supposedly dedicated to overthrowing governments and torturing spies using waterboarding – the ads seem to be from a young Californian hipster company selling organic food, or an NGO dedicated to bringing smiles and giving out free hugs in remote indigenous villages.

Among the protagonists of the ads, we can find a Latina woman, very feminist and empowered, a homosexual who has a lot of fun as a CIA librarian, and another empowered woman with Asian features, all of them welcomed by the CIA as a big family.

In one of the ads, we can see a woman in a feminist T-shirt explaining that she has a very particular set of skills that she has acquired over a very long career. Ones that would make her a nightmare for terrorists and mobsters were it not for the fact that those skills are that she “can change a diaper with one hand and console a crying toddler with the other.”

“I am a woman of color. I am a mom. I am a cisgender millennial who has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder,” she brags. As a punchline, she adds that “I’m intersectional.”

It looks like the plot of a new woke and feminist remake of Taken. In this film, Liam Neeson played a hardened ex-CIA agent who managed to rescue his teenage daughter from kidnapping by a gang of Albanian gangsters engaged in international human trafficking.

In another ad, we learn the moving story of one of the CIA librarians. According to him, he was “always a little different,” and it was difficult “growing up gay in a small southern town,” but he found in libraries a “safe, quiet space where I can find tens of thousands of escapes into worlds of fantasy, mystery, and intrigue.”

Now, as a CIA librarian, he says “not only I am involved in the acquisitions of journals, books, and countless electronic resources. I am also encouraged to curate special collections that challenge expectation.”

In the ad, he proudly shows us his collection of board and role-playing games. “Instead of sitting for hours in front of a computer-based training, they can play a carefully selected game, to train a specific set of skills, while simultaneously building on the myriad soft skills essential to intelligence work.”

Are you a geeky, nerdy young teenager? Come work at the CIA and you’ll find a peaceful, safe, bully-free environment where you can also make friends with whom you can play your favorite board games. The years you’ve spent in the basement playing Dungeons & Dragons with your imaginary friend don’t have to be seen as a waste of time. They’ve actually subliminally trained you to be a government agent.

More CIA woke videos

In other of the videos, you can see an agent explaining that in the CIA she has learned that “open and honest communication” are key factors in her job. Openness and honesty, the first two words that would come to anyone’s mind when thinking about the CIA.

The Idiot of the Week award goes to the CIA for resorting to all the woke clichés to advertise itself.

Although perhaps it is an elaborate counter-espionage maneuver to make people believe that American intelligence is run by a group of hipster and progressive millennials, giving the image of being like the inept Super Agent 86 in Mel Brooks’ Get Smart series, and thus confusing and catching their enemies off guard.

Ignacio Manuel García Medina, Business Management teacher. Artist and lecturer specialized in Popular Culture for various platforms. Presenter of the program "Pop Libertario" for the Juan de Mariana Institute. Lives in the Canary Islands, Spain // Ignacio M. García Medina es profesor de Gestión de Empresas. Es miembro del Instituto Juan de Mariana y conferenciante especializado en Cultura Popular e ideas de la Libertad.

Social Networks: @ignaciomgm

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